I am happy. I am sad. Quite the paradox isn't it. But there is days when I feel like no matter what anyone does I'm on this natural high. And I dare you to ruin my high. But then there are days when I don't feel like getting up. Everything bothers me. Everyone. People constantly complaining, "Oh my life sucks. I hate this school. I'm so fucking bored. What the hell is everyone looking at? Everyone is attacking me." And that moment I feel like screaming, "FUCK YOU. GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES." A snapback to reality and I realize that is not a good idea. So that line just hovers over my head like a dark cloud waiting to erupt rain on that one person that doesn't have an umbrella. The person who is unprepared. And I feel that one day I just might say that line and I will be unprepared. Unprepared for the consequences. So rather I make a conscious effort to keep my thoughts to myself and only myself. Because at the end of the day all I really have is myself. And as the days go by I'm really starting to see that prove true.

At the same time don't get me wrong. I love my friends. Not everyone deserves that title though. Some people I will call an acquaintance. I thought you were a friend but your words and actions prove otherwise. Not to toot my own horn but I've been a very good friend to everyone. Oh and I mean everyone. If I haven't I apologize and I'm sorry. When I say I care about you, I truly and genuinely mean that. Not everyone is a good friend to me. And that's okay. Part of me still remain their friend because I feel like I can help them or rather encourage them to become a better person. I'm not saying I'm the most perfect person because I'm far from but I like to help people. I want people to realize their true potential. That statement is quite hypocritical in the fact that I tear myself down and criticize myself so harshly its not even funny. But more on that later. I guess the reason why I try to be a good friend to everyone or people I care about is because I would hope when I'm going my problems that they would be there to help me out and tell me what I need to hear. I'm not sure my theory is really working but I'm still testing it out.

I'm transferring out of Temple. They really fucked me over with the Financial Aid. And there is no hope of me staying. It's slim to none. I really hope the Lord blesses me in staying but right now it's looking very hard. But I trust that he will help me out because nothing is impossible for him. I don't wanna leave the friends I've made here. Yeah I can make friends at other schools but I've learned to love this school. I hated it at first. If you told me transfer I would've in a heartbeat. But now things are different. I would hate to go.

Complete sidebar: But those damn bitches I call roommates need to shut the fuck up before I call my friends here to beat that ass.

Moving on.

I'm truly a hopeless, well I wouldn't say hopeless but I'm a romantic. A big one. Those corny, cheesy shit. I love it all. Well maybe not all but I like the cute, simple things. But I don't feel that way with everyone though. People I really really really like I want them to put in the work and the effort. I'm still waiting but I got time to wait. No rush. It shall come naturally. Everything has come naturally and I guess this will too. In due time.

That's all the venting I have for now. I shall be back later.